In a relationship
, often there are feelings hurt. Why is this? One of the reasons is that there are expectations for the other to fulfill their needs. When this happens, suddenly a partner becomes dependent on the other, when before they functioned just fine. When their expectations are not met, it is taken personally and their feelings get hurt.
So why do people change when they enter a relationship?
Especially in a friendship when both partners related with each other very well, but the expectations rose. I’ve come to the realization that entering a relationship often changes a person’s mental state. They expect of themselves to be different. To act kinder, do more favors, work harder, or just be someone they’re not. It becomes such a heavy burden to carry that it often causes friction in the relationship that eventually leads to the demise of the relationship.
A potential partner will not/cannot/or should not rescue you.
Another one of the greater culprits is the high expectations of waiting for some person to rescue them. The relationship is doomed before it even starts. We can only rescue ourselves. Expecting someone to live your life can be too much for a person to handle. True love, is what carries a relationship, and mutual love between 2 people gives fulfillment for both sides, rather than one person carrying all of the weight. One should never place that amount of pressure onto their partner. It also gives one’s own power away, when a partner believes that the other can save them. A true relationship is saving yourself and bringing the best of you to the relationship.
“The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, “If you will take care of me, I will take care of you. “Now I say, I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me.” Jim Rohn
Know your reasons why you’re entering a relationship. Are you starting a relationship for the wrong reasons, such as co-dependency or insecurities? Often there is a conflict in beliefs, where one believes they don’t need anyone, but yet another part has this yearning to experience some a sort of fairy tale romance. The truth is relationships take work and true love.
There is no perfect partner.
Placing high expectations on your partner places a great burden to live up to. They have big shoes to fill, that make it extremely difficult to ever meet. We must be realistic. We must see that we’re all human. We all make mistakes. We all have flaws. We weren’t taught the same values and beliefs on how a relationship should be, so a relationship is also a learning experiences, for both partners may I add.
To have a relationship is truly a gift and something we should honor. We shall persist on treating our partners with love and respect. Expecting them to meet your needs is not relating, nor is it love.
“The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them” Thomas Merton, “No Man Is an Island”
Can you be your partner’s best friend?
Try first being friends with your potential mate. We must keep in mind that we are 2 different people that function perfectly fine independently. Working and sharing together can create a beautiful bond. When 2 relate to each other, there is more love for one another. No longer expectation but love and respect.
Friends can be friends and the expectations are minimal. With a relationship, comes expectations. How does one view a relationship? If it comes with expectations, then there is no relationship.
In my opinion, being with someone in a relationship should be relating with how the other person is and accepting them for who they are and not just putting up with them because you don’t understand them or because they don’t fulfill your needs.
Some people in life we will never be able to understand, but we do have a choice to accept who they are, even if it means parting ways. Know the state of your relationship. Both of you could just be better off as friends. Sometimes we prolong the inevitable due to our own personal insecurities. Be the most genuine person and strive to be the best that you have to offer.
“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.” Anthony Robbins
Relationships are not the source of your happiness.
Waiting around for someone else to make you happy is one of best ways of make yourself miserable. Make yourself happy!! 😀
Be happy now, by being grateful for your blessings, going out and having fun if you prefer, giving others something to smile about and making yourself happy in the process. Walk away from people or environments that make you miserable. Find a purpose and start living it. If you’re looking to a relationship for the source of your happiness, you might be heading towards trouble.
“Happiness comes from within. It is not dependent on external things or on other people. You become vulnerable and can be easily hurt when your feelings of security and happiness depend on the behavior and actions of other people. Never give your power to anyone.” Brian L. Weiss
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